


you're my best friend.

by enbymickey



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Depressive Episode, M/M, Post Season 4 Finale, about ian while he looks at ian and thinks about ian, just a lot of mickey thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:27:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23459332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbymickey/pseuds/enbymickey
Summary: and before mickey even realizes he’s saying it,   “ you’re my best friend. ”  a whisper. it’s only for ian. it’s only ever for ian.  there’s something unspoken in what he’s saying. the words he’s not ready to say yet but he hopes ian understands, even in this state, he hopes ian knows.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 3
Kudos: 72





	you're my best friend.

**Author's Note:**

> yet another 3 am and can't sleep fic. this is what happens when i've done nothing but listen to you are in love by taylor swift for two days straight. chapter two will post season 10 based where mickey once again tells ian that he's his best friend but it's much cuter. don't know when that will be up but i'm going to bed now and the first paragraph is done just wanted to go ahead and get this one up. let me know what you think!

mickey has no idea what time it is, all he knows is that he can’t sleep from the way his chest feels too heavy with he guesses is worry. the only source of light is the moon shining through thin, decade old curtains. the little bit of light shining directly on ian’s sleeping face, mickey can see every freckle that’s scattered across pale face. room quiet except for the noise of the south side just outside. pretty much the only sound that comes from this room now, they haven’t had an actual conversation in what feels like months but has only been days. mickey hasn’t had a ridiculous conversation that he only seems to find himself in with ian. he would give anything to hear the dumbass say something stupid so mickey can roll his eyes and pretend he finds it annoying but really, it’s his favorite part of the day. 

there’s something that mickey has realized these past two days of watching ian do nothing but lay in bed, going from bouncing off the walls and speaking million miles a minute, joke after joke to complete silence and barely any movement except for when he’s moving away from him which stung but mickey is trying not to take personally now that he has an idea of what this is, since he went to fiona’s and asked her to explain it instead of having a yelling match in the middle of the his living room with a million fuckin’ eyes staring at them. mickey came home and begged ian to get up, didn’t work. ginger fuck is still laying lifeless in his bed and it’s been days. 

right, the thing mickey realized - ian is his best friend. it doesn’t take a fuckin’ scientist to figure that one out, mickey knows this. mickey has always known ian was something more than just a fuck and more than just a boyfriend even when he couldn’t admit to himself that, that’s what he was - his boyfriend. he’s never really had a best friend besides sandy - his cousin, she’s in jail right now so that just leaves him with the lifeless blob of pale skin and red hair that’s laying next to him. 

mickey wants to tell him all about the stupid show iggy was watching this morning that he caught part of while he tried and failed to make ian some breakfast, 'course he didn’t eat it but probably for the best since he just burned the fuck out of the eggs or the stupid shit kev said at the bar today, tell him about the rant of the day frank went on. there’s so much mickey wanted to tell ian but he can’t. it's not like it took him until now to realize that ian’s the first person mickey wants to tell when anything happens but it hits harder when he can't. he felt the same way when ian fucked off to the army but mickey was drowning in heartbreak and self hatred, dealing with his father and his wife under the same roof, being tortured every day and reminded of what happened to make ian run off that he never let himself feel that. 

but now ian’s right in front of him, mickey wants to tell him everything but he can’t, he can’t make it come out normal. it’s like ian can’t function and now he can’t either. it’s fuckin’ stupid. it's really inconvenient is what it fuckin’ is. 

eyes glance over at the man beside him and ian’s eyes are open now, he can tell in the little bit of light and mickey smiles gently at him. it kind of freaks him out, that he’s just laying there not saying anything and eyes looking empty - like he’s not completely there and mickey knows he’s not. it's not the ian he knows and he fuckin' hates it.

swallowing hard, mickey turns and hand reaches out. tattooed fingers that has never been allowed to be gentle before as he grew up being taught that aggression and rough, violent touches is the only way a man is allowed to touch another man and now that hand that was only used for violence is gently pressing the palm against ian's cheek. 

it’s like he’s pulling himself out of the hole his father, this town, threw him in when he was a kid, this hole that’s filled with everything he’s supposed to be, was taught and beaten to be but at the top is ian, at the top is who mickey really is. he’s constantly trying to reach ian and ian just keeps stepping back but still with his hand out, trying to help. it took until his coming out to realize ian’s only ever doing it because he loves him. he’s stepping back because he wants mickey to be himself, he wants him outta that fuckin' hole. maybe it’s fucked up, maybe shit isn’t supposed to be like that but he doesn’t give a fuck. he’ll keep climbing, he’ll reach ian. 

he feels ian lean into his hand, that’s the most reaction he got out of him in days that wasn’t a quick yell to leave him alone or turning away from him. 

and before mickey even realizes he’s saying it, “ you’re my best friend. ” a whisper. it’s only for ian. it’s only ever for ian. 

there’s something unspoken in what he’s saying. the words he’s not ready to say yet but he hopes ian understands, even in this state, he hopes ian knows. 

ian cracks a smile, it’s small, can barely see it in the moon lit room and it looks sad. mickey’s chest aches from it. but he sure is fuckin’ glad that even in this state, ian can just understand him. ian doesn’t even have to say anything for mickey to know that he understands. 

mickey’s hand still on ian’s face as ian’s eyes close once again and he’s back to sleeping. mickey stays like that for most of the night, watching him like a fuckin’ creep and hoping ian smiles a little more in the morning.


End file.
